Not Good Enough

Do you ever feel like you are not good enough. This is how my Mother in law makes me feel alot of the time. It has been on my mind over the past few days, as she is going to be visiting this weekend. She is constantly comparing me to her own daughter. I hate it. It makes me not want to share things with her as I feel I will be judged.

I felt it most while being pregnant with Joshua. Her daughter got pregnant approx. a month after I did. When I would call her up to let her know about something, it seemed like she wasn't really listening about what I was telling her. She would commonly say something like B's doctor is now seeing her every two weeks is your doctor going to do the same. I would reply yes that started a month ago like I told you. B has her c section scheduled for this date, why can't you tell me exactly when your going to have this baby. Won't they induce you, so I can plan things? NO! Babies come when they want to. Its not healthy to induce people for convenience sake. It would drive me crazy. To the point that I just wanted to stop calling her.

It started up again recently. B went back to work this week, so her baby has had to start partly on formula. She then suggests that I should start Joshua on formula, so he will start sleeping through the night. It's better for the baby to be on breast milk. If I have to get up once a night to feed him so be it.

I have probably another dozen examples of her doing this to me. I feel like she is constantly comparing the two of us, and I never live up to B. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can tell her to stop this? Its driving me crazy.

WINDY

Today is Windy Wednesday. We have been having 70 mile and our gusts out here. I always thought that winds were just an annoyance. This morning I had to chase my trash cans a few times down the street. I never really thought that this would happen.

My neighbor calls me up, and asks if I'm home. I say yes. She says look out your back door. This is what I found. Not what I expected. This swing set/ tree fort weighs over 600 lbs. These are some strong winds.

Hope your day is going better than mine.

Doctors Visits

Yesterday Kyle and Joshua both had doctors visits. Nothing was wrong with either, Kyle was due for his yearly physical, and josh needed a 4 month well baby.

Kyle is now 41 lbs 2 oz. 43 1/2 inches tall. That's 91st and 97th percentile respectively. On all other things he is doing great. The doctor isn't concerned with anything. That is what we like to hear.

Josh is 15.5 lbs and 24 inches tall. That's 50th and 25th percentile. Everything else is looking good. The blue legs thing isn't anything to be concerned about. Doctor says that this is a common aliment. Apparently this can happen in adults too. As long as your body is pink and your not blue all the time, things are still OK. Also the doctor thinks that Joshua might be an early crawler. Lately when we put him on his stomach he has his arms under his chest, and is trying to put his knees under his belly. He is also starting to reach out with his hands, and kick out with his legs. He actually showed this to the doctor too. I am pleased with that, because in my experience whenever you tell the doctor something that your kid can do they never seem to be able to do it in the doctors office.

Joshua has also started to laugh out loud. I love that sound so much. Its so funny to see, when he is giggling. I will try and post video later. To me watching Joshua go through these milestones is bitter sweet. I love watching him develop, but it also pulls at my heart that Kris can't be here with us to see it. I am trying to get better about taking video and pictures, so at least he can see them, but its really not the same.

4 Months

Joshua is 4 months old today. I can't believe how fast time has gone by, and how much has happened in the last 4 months. We go for his 4 month appointment tomorrow. I will post all his new stats then.

Sunday I thought that I would try Josh on solids. He has been showing signs that he is ready. He was smiling after. He really didn't have the hang of it and his tongue was pushing it out. Here are a few pictures of the big milestone.

Rainbow of Heroes Walk and Operation Olivia

This is a re post from a friend of mine. Her Daughter Olivia nine months ago went through a cord blood stem cell transplant. I have blogged about her before.If you would like to read more about Olivia and her transplant process click http://www.mikelaurieandolivialeiva.blogspot.com They are walking to help raise money for the transplant unit up at duke. I think it's a great cause.

Original Post:

The Rainbow of Heroes Walk is the annual fundraiser/ reunion for the PBMT program at Duke. On the first Saturday in May,we walk together as a community. Along the way, as we carry balloons with Patients' names on them, people stop, talk together, and enjoy each other. Finally, we release the balloons.

The Rainbow of Heroes Walk commemorates and celebrates all Duke Pediatric Blood and Marrow Transplant (PBMT) patients and their families. Refreshments, music, and activities for everyone are provided.

The Walk is not only the main fundraiser for the Duke PBMT Family Support Program. More than that, it is a reunion for patients, families, nurses, therapists, doctors, volunteers, and supporters who have come to know each other through the months-long transplant process.

We have created Operation Olivia to represent our team during the walk. If you make a contribution to Operation Olivia we will be happy to mail you a special Operation Olivia t-shirt. Please leave a comment with your name, t-shirt size, and address if you would like us to mail you a t-shirt. To make a contribution to Operation Olivia please click here: Donate

Randoms

I have a lot to post about. First off I have heard from Kris, he is doing OK. I can't tell you to much of what he is doing because of OPSEC. I do have a mailing address for him, if you would like it let me know and I will email it out to you.

Kris and I have chatted a few times on facebook and every time I hear from him it, makes my day. We usually get to chat for approx 30 mins, and he likes to hear stories about the boys. One of his favorites were on morning before my trip to my mum's house, I had out one of those c shaped travel pillows. Kyle put it around his waist and asked to hold Baby Josh. He was imitating me using the bobby pillow. I thought it was so sweet. Kyle is turning out to be such a good big brother.

We spent the last two weeks at my Mum's house. We had a great Easter, I will post more on this later.

Joshua is getting big. He really likes to be upright. He likes to lapstand. My only issue with this is that his little legs are turning blue when he does this. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I really concerned? I am going to mention this at next weeks well baby visits. Joshua is going in for his 4 month appt. Kyle is going in for his 4 year appt. Wow how time is flying by.

Thanks everyone for being so supportive. I have needed it. Your words cheer me up.

Thats all I have for now I am working on a few posts for this week so check back.